My Father's Army

In fear that someone may actually read this I feel the need to say the following:
1. I am sick and have a lot of time on my hands to do way too much thinking!
2. I am not on any medication. :)
3. This really is just a rambling of thoughts- it is way too long to keep anyone's interest.
4. I am not half as educated as those who are on blogger- so be kind.
5. I am in no way making excuses for my thoughts or God's leading.... He chooses the foolish things of this world to confound the wise. I am pretty confident that was the basis for Him calling me!:)

If you understand the above- please join me in the way my brain works.....

I served in Eastern Europe for nine years. I don't say that to be impressive but more as a fact. It now has become part of who I am. It is woven into every part of my existence.
In May of 2003 we sat in our little two bedroom apartment in Tbilisi, Georgia. My husband spoke on the phone with our home territory's personal secretary and they discussed what our new appointment would be on our return. He hung up the phone and I waited for the answer. I can honestly say it was a blank page for us. There was not one place I could imagine being- not one appointment that I could picture myself in. Then he said something that my ears and my heart could not believe. We were to be the corps officers of Montclair, NJ. For those of you outside of our territory the name of this corps will mean nothing, but the name stirred up in me many unresolved issues I had from growing up in our Army. You see, Montclair Citadel is what you could call one of the last traditional corps. I like to call it the "high church" of the Salvation Army. You know... a full band, order of service, uniforms are important, service expected and standards are high. So, Alastair said "corps officers of Montclair" and from the other side of the world all my insecurities caught up with me. "It's the optimum of everything I hate about Salvation Army" my heart screamed as I felt the sting of old wounds.
You see, I never belonged in the Army, at least not in my mind or in the estimation of most that went to the corps with me. I didn't play and instrument, didn't read music, spoke what I thought. My uniform always seemed to be too tight around the neck. I was sure it was trying to strangle me and kill me slowly every Sunday. My parents being THQ officers or DHQ officers always seemed to attend the "high church", traditional corps. They were the corps with the full range of activities with other kids for fellowship. Many of the other corps kids were products of their parent's dedication. They were blessed with the gift of music. I found that where band geeks were bottom of the totem pole in school popularity....they certainly found their place and power of popularity at our place of worship. I however, not being gifted as such and being somewhat stubborn to conform found myself excluded, gossiped about and eventually shunned. I must admit in the beginning I was wounded and hurt by false allegations but pride got the best of me and I took it upon myself to prove them right. This stubbornness on my part contributed greatly to the finally judgment of being a hopeless cause to those who sat on the platform. So now in my wounded mind I was symbolically going back to the Army that never accepted me. God was taking me back to my father's Army.
Alastair looked at me stunned by my strong reaction and my weeping that seemed to come quickly and without reason. "God is going to heal that" was all he said in a matter of fact kind of way and I clung to those words as a child clings to a security blanket.
2 and half years have passed since we were given that appointment. God has healed much of my preconceived ideas, old judgments and grudges. Our first Sunday as I sat on the platform in front of the Band, God spoke loudly and repeatedly to my heart and mind "I will do a new thing." As we visited our people in their homes and heard their stories God gave us a love and appreciation for them. Their lives were not free from struggles, tragedy or consequence. They knew more than just the tunes to the songs but many of them were often moved by the words in the songbook. We don't raise hands and some are against clapping in Holiness meeting but God for some reason moves amongst us anyway.
Dorothy Gates has arranged a band piece that brought it all together for me and confirmed Alastair's words of healing. The piece is called "Breathe". In the arrangement you hear "breath on me, breath of God" mixed or echoed by "You are the air I breathe." The first time I heard our corps band play this piece I felt as if my two worlds were coming together. There I sat on the platform, the music loud enough to go through my bones, the words strong enough to soften my heart. I wept .....almost sobbing......surprised.....that I was moved by a band selection.
In my personal Bible study today I read these words of Beth Moore, from her Bible Study entitled The Patriarchs. "Our natural tendency is to disconnect ourselves from past seasons we didn't like, desiring to forget them entirely. Interestingly, the Hebrew word translated future in scripture like Jeremiah 29:11 comes from the same root as the word translated behind. The Hebrews felt that the future was not whole without the past. If we are convinced God is sovereign, good and purposeful, why would he even allow or even ordain a season that has no value or contribution to our futures? We certainly don't want to march into our futures carrying baggage from our past, but God forbid we'd walk away from our mistakes empty-handed."

The blogger community is new to me. In the few days that I have found my way around some Army sites I have been challenged, impressed and inspired. There is a whole generation that God has raise up and anointed to push or shove us into the future. Drew Forster who is to blame for my sudden addiction to blogger recently shared an article from Christianity Today. The article was written by Angie Ward, it is entitled "Don't stuff the dog". Drew sums it up best by saying "Basically, it's a piece about not holding onto outdated programs and practices that have become beloved "pets" of the church. She asserts that holding on too long might not only prevent people from moving forward, but might actually break trust and drive new people away. It's a message that needs to be heard in the church. Even better, she quotes Alan Alda. You can't go wrong with Hawkeye."
(http://www.christianitytoday.com/leaders/newsletter/2005/cln51024.html)
This article challenged me. I tried to imagine how our people would read it. Many of them feel like the next generation is mocking the way God has spoken to them through the years. I can see many "stuffed pets" around but I wonder can we take the pet from the child without breaking the heart of the child. Yanking it out of their hands or yelling at them "It's Dead! Get over it!!" doesn't seem to be appropriate. Some of it needs to be valued, not worshipped but respected. Besides, God has given me a love and respect for these people.
Then using Drew's list of blogs that he reads as a starting point for finding my way around the Army blog community I also found Eric Himes vision which he has titled "The Praise Jesus walks on". (Written on November 16, 2005.) (http://asterisklog.com/) His vision is anointed and a word from God for all of us.

In reading Eric's vision, I didn't think that there was a connection to the article that Drew shared. But then the thought came to me.....it's the other extreme. It's a message to the new "praise" movement. When this new movement is taken to the extreme it almost becomes the same issue as that which we are running from. Which as I see it is: the love of the style of worship or the things of God, above God himself. Eric's vision tells us to lay down our praises so Jesus can walk on them, like he did in his triumphal entry into Jerusalem.
I hear God saying to one generation: "No stuffed pets" and to the next generation " lay down your praises"- We all nee to let go of what we are holding onto so that we can see Jesus.
The Patriarchs bible study has taken us through the stories of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. These last weeks have all been about Joseph. I thought there was nothing more I could learn about Joseph and his coat of many colors but I was so wrong. There is not enough space to write all the new things that God has taught me. However this week's lesson pulled me in and seemed to be connected to all of this, at least for me. I read the story of how Joseph finally meets up again with his brothers. A famine in the land brings them together. They are hungry. Joseph recognizes them but they do not know him. The story pulls you into issues of past guilt and revenge. You wonder what keeps Joseph from revealing himself right away after being separated from his family for at least 15 years. He is moved to tears several times and in the end He tells them who he is. What moved me the most this time was how God had blessed him and raised him up to a place of power and influence yet still made him deal with his past. Grace for his brothers was required of Joseph before he was reunited with his Father. I wept as I imagined Jacob seeing all the wealth and provisions coming toward him to take him to Egypt. He was living in the desert during a famine wondering if he would ever see his son Benjamin again. He had grieved the death of Joseph for at least 15 years. God in his perfect timing gave more than Jacob could have possibly hoped for. Not only food and abundance in the desert, not only provision in a famine, not only Benjamin but also Joseph was returned to him and out of this his children, his sons became united- standing together instead of against each other. God gave them all more than what they were hoping for...God exceed the expectaions of Joseph, his brothers and even their father Jacob. God always gives more than we deserve or hope for...He always exceeds our expectaions.
Why do I think this is all connected??? Well- because God heals. He may be raising up into influence new leaders with new visions for the Army of the future but he will make us all face the past. Maybe some are holding too tightly to horns and orders of service, maybe some are unwilling to put their palms of praise down.
Read again the quote I shared earlier " The Hebrews felt that the future was not whole without the past."
How do we find wholeness for our Army?
Mark Twain has been quoted to say "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. "
How does where we are in our spiritual walk/ maturity play into how much we think our Father's Army knows?
I beleive that God has more for our Army than even what we hope for......
For my Army and for my Father's Army.