Pride and Prejudice

I went to see Pride and Prejudice this past weekend. I love Jane Austin books. The movie was what some would call a "chick flick". But there is so much in the movie worth thinking about.
The part that I keep going back to in my mind is the scene when Mr. Darcy finally allows himself to be transparent. He lays it all out there and tells Miss. Elizabeth how he really feels about her. His feelings for her go against all that is "right" and acceptable in his world/society at the time..but he says: "You've bewitched me!"
I am not sure what moves me most! His blatant honesty, his vulnerability or the passion in him that is finally awaked and expressed.
Words spoken and written are so powerful.
That particular moment between Mr. Darcy and Miss. Elizabeth (in the book and in the movie) stirs within me the same feelings that I get when looking at a certain artist work or a painting that moves me from within. The same feelings that I get when I see bright autumn leaves against a crisp cool fall sky or when I look in someone's eyes- the window of their soul and connect. The same feelings the right song brings to the soul or the right words to a situation.
I have thought about making the spiritual application to all of this (with the possibility of increasing the value of my blog!) but I would rather leave it for what it is.

Poetry, art, beauty are not very practical but they stir my soul.

Thomas Merton "The cross does not sanctify us by destroying human feeling."

Hearing voices

“Not good enough” is my name

You hear me when you come here
I am always next to you.
I judge the things you say
I mock the things you do.

You try to live above me
You try to shut me out
But deep inside you hear me
I love to see you doubt!

I play on your emotions
I measure and compare
You’re all so weak and easy!
To throw into despair.

Judgment- is my tool.
Perfection- I can twist.
Enthusiasm, I despise.
Transparency, detest

I pride myself on subtleties
You think their judging you..
But before you even know it
The Judge is really you!

Keep looking for approval
Keep trying to improve
Keep striving for acceptance.
There is nothing you can do!

My power and my influence
Has been here through the years
I am like a rock…I am rooted
Confront me…If you dare!
.
You know you can’t!
You know you won’t
You’re powerless and weak!
Not good enough! Not good enough!
These are the words I speak!
~Written by CJBate 9/05

Do you sometimes hear voices??

Evelyn Underhill – from “The Spiritual Life” writes “Only when the conviction-not merely the idea that the demands of The Spirit comes first and is first, rules the whole of it, will those objectionable noises die down….”

Ephesians 6:10-13
“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground....." [1]

[1]The Holy Bible : New International Version. 1996, c1984 . Zondervan: Grand Rapids

Absorb The Light

Philippians 2:14-15
" Do everything without complaining or arguing,  so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe"
The Holy Bible : New International Version. 1996, c1984 . Zondervan: Grand Rapids

Glow stars are a lot of fun! Sticking them to walls or ceilings and then running to turn the lights out to watch them glow. I love when my kids get excited over the little things.

Philippians 2:15 says we are to "shine like stars in the universe"
Verse 14 tells us how we can shine in the darkness, it tells us how we can be different than those around us. It says," do everything without complaining or arguing." One short verse......one great task. I wonder to myself, is it possible? Possible to do everything without complaining or arguing?
Some days are harder than others, some situations seem to require it and some people seem to inspire it! But, we all know if we were to live vs. 14 in the world around us (even in our homes), it would make us different.....we would stand out...we would shine in the darkness.
I think the glow stars have the answer.
On their own they are nothing. But when held near a true source of light they absorb that light. The longer they are away from a true source of light the dimmer the glow.
I have found that I am also "dimmer" ( spiritually speaking!) when I have not had my time in THE LIGHT. ( John 1:1-9, 8:12)
Spending time with God in prayer and in His word, in His presence....makes me shine. On my own I am nothing.
In the devotional book STREAMS IN THE DESERT by Cowman I read the following about those in scripture who stood their ground for God in difficult situations; " They were able to endure in the presence of their enemies because they dwelt in the presence of their God." In the same devotional book I also read, " the darker the night, the brighter the stars."

No, I am not going to start singing "shine, Jesus shine" !!! But, you can if you want to!

Absorb The Light this Christmas season, be a star that leads someone to the Christ child!
( Matt. 2:1-2)

Thoughts on Battle

After reading Kelly’s comment and switchfoot quote:

“We want more than the wars of our fathers"”I feel like that line from switchfoot sums up so much of what I feel within the Salvation Army. Having watched my officer parents struggle through much of the same bureaucracy we struggle with now, I feel like there's got to be more.”

My mind raced with ideas and my heart resonated with the desire for something more. I packed up my computer and headed off for the Corps office. My daughter’s Casting Crowns cd was in the car. As I started the car the music blasted loudly giving me a fright. No, it wasn’t because my child had used the car before me….she is only 13! I had forgotten how loud I had it turned up the night before as I went visiting a few people who have operations today.
The song ,the words really that spoke over me in my car with Kelly’s words still hanging in my mind, went like this :
“What if the armies of the Lord
Picked up and dusted of their swords
Vowed to set the captives free
And not let satan have one more.”
Now the connection of “more than the wars of our fathers” and “ what if the armies of the Lord, picked up and dusted of their swords” was too much for my brain to handle.
A couple questions came into my mind:
Who are we fighting?
What is the battle?
How can these words: battle, sword, army…not take you to the book of Ephesians 6

My friend Terri Mundel, a Salvationist from Australia told me in ’94 as I complained about someone- “Our battle is not against flesh and blood” In other words our battle isn’t against each other.
But, Ephesians goes on to say “But, it is against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
The rulers and authorities…not being DHQ or THQ. They actually come “under flesh and blood” definition in my opinion.
But “we want more than the wars of our fathers”.
What is the more we want?
More understanding? More freedom? More change?
We may discern the need for change…..
We may discern the powers of the dark world working against us- sometimes through well-intended dragons.
We may discern even the details of what needs to happen or who may be standing against us.
There is a war, there is a battle and there will always be struggle. Maybe not the same struggles as our fathers, maybe greater struggles, harder resistance, bigger battles.
But what do we do we need to do to get to the next level.
Oswald Chambers said “Discernment is God’s call to intercession, never to fault finding.”
On a personal level- ouch
On a cooperate level- I want to scream Uncle!

Two things that we need to win the battle. Both mentioned in that Casting Crowns song both supported by Scripture:
1. Pick up and dust off our swords- know the word of God- sword of the Spirit. Use the word of God- speak the word of God over situations- pray the word of God- live the word of God.
2. Prayer-The chorus of the song from my daughters CD:
“What if his people prayed
and those who bare his name
Would humbly seek his face
And turn from their own way.”

My Father's Army

In fear that someone may actually read this I feel the need to say the following:
1. I am sick and have a lot of time on my hands to do way too much thinking!
2. I am not on any medication. :)
3. This really is just a rambling of thoughts- it is way too long to keep anyone's interest.
4. I am not half as educated as those who are on blogger- so be kind.
5. I am in no way making excuses for my thoughts or God's leading.... He chooses the foolish things of this world to confound the wise. I am pretty confident that was the basis for Him calling me!:)

If you understand the above- please join me in the way my brain works.....

I served in Eastern Europe for nine years. I don't say that to be impressive but more as a fact. It now has become part of who I am. It is woven into every part of my existence.
In May of 2003 we sat in our little two bedroom apartment in Tbilisi, Georgia. My husband spoke on the phone with our home territory's personal secretary and they discussed what our new appointment would be on our return. He hung up the phone and I waited for the answer. I can honestly say it was a blank page for us. There was not one place I could imagine being- not one appointment that I could picture myself in. Then he said something that my ears and my heart could not believe. We were to be the corps officers of Montclair, NJ. For those of you outside of our territory the name of this corps will mean nothing, but the name stirred up in me many unresolved issues I had from growing up in our Army. You see, Montclair Citadel is what you could call one of the last traditional corps. I like to call it the "high church" of the Salvation Army. You know... a full band, order of service, uniforms are important, service expected and standards are high. So, Alastair said "corps officers of Montclair" and from the other side of the world all my insecurities caught up with me. "It's the optimum of everything I hate about Salvation Army" my heart screamed as I felt the sting of old wounds.
You see, I never belonged in the Army, at least not in my mind or in the estimation of most that went to the corps with me. I didn't play and instrument, didn't read music, spoke what I thought. My uniform always seemed to be too tight around the neck. I was sure it was trying to strangle me and kill me slowly every Sunday. My parents being THQ officers or DHQ officers always seemed to attend the "high church", traditional corps. They were the corps with the full range of activities with other kids for fellowship. Many of the other corps kids were products of their parent's dedication. They were blessed with the gift of music. I found that where band geeks were bottom of the totem pole in school popularity....they certainly found their place and power of popularity at our place of worship. I however, not being gifted as such and being somewhat stubborn to conform found myself excluded, gossiped about and eventually shunned. I must admit in the beginning I was wounded and hurt by false allegations but pride got the best of me and I took it upon myself to prove them right. This stubbornness on my part contributed greatly to the finally judgment of being a hopeless cause to those who sat on the platform. So now in my wounded mind I was symbolically going back to the Army that never accepted me. God was taking me back to my father's Army.
Alastair looked at me stunned by my strong reaction and my weeping that seemed to come quickly and without reason. "God is going to heal that" was all he said in a matter of fact kind of way and I clung to those words as a child clings to a security blanket.
2 and half years have passed since we were given that appointment. God has healed much of my preconceived ideas, old judgments and grudges. Our first Sunday as I sat on the platform in front of the Band, God spoke loudly and repeatedly to my heart and mind "I will do a new thing." As we visited our people in their homes and heard their stories God gave us a love and appreciation for them. Their lives were not free from struggles, tragedy or consequence. They knew more than just the tunes to the songs but many of them were often moved by the words in the songbook. We don't raise hands and some are against clapping in Holiness meeting but God for some reason moves amongst us anyway.
Dorothy Gates has arranged a band piece that brought it all together for me and confirmed Alastair's words of healing. The piece is called "Breathe". In the arrangement you hear "breath on me, breath of God" mixed or echoed by "You are the air I breathe." The first time I heard our corps band play this piece I felt as if my two worlds were coming together. There I sat on the platform, the music loud enough to go through my bones, the words strong enough to soften my heart. I wept .....almost sobbing......surprised.....that I was moved by a band selection.
In my personal Bible study today I read these words of Beth Moore, from her Bible Study entitled The Patriarchs. "Our natural tendency is to disconnect ourselves from past seasons we didn't like, desiring to forget them entirely. Interestingly, the Hebrew word translated future in scripture like Jeremiah 29:11 comes from the same root as the word translated behind. The Hebrews felt that the future was not whole without the past. If we are convinced God is sovereign, good and purposeful, why would he even allow or even ordain a season that has no value or contribution to our futures? We certainly don't want to march into our futures carrying baggage from our past, but God forbid we'd walk away from our mistakes empty-handed."

The blogger community is new to me. In the few days that I have found my way around some Army sites I have been challenged, impressed and inspired. There is a whole generation that God has raise up and anointed to push or shove us into the future. Drew Forster who is to blame for my sudden addiction to blogger recently shared an article from Christianity Today. The article was written by Angie Ward, it is entitled "Don't stuff the dog". Drew sums it up best by saying "Basically, it's a piece about not holding onto outdated programs and practices that have become beloved "pets" of the church. She asserts that holding on too long might not only prevent people from moving forward, but might actually break trust and drive new people away. It's a message that needs to be heard in the church. Even better, she quotes Alan Alda. You can't go wrong with Hawkeye."
(http://www.christianitytoday.com/leaders/newsletter/2005/cln51024.html)
This article challenged me. I tried to imagine how our people would read it. Many of them feel like the next generation is mocking the way God has spoken to them through the years. I can see many "stuffed pets" around but I wonder can we take the pet from the child without breaking the heart of the child. Yanking it out of their hands or yelling at them "It's Dead! Get over it!!" doesn't seem to be appropriate. Some of it needs to be valued, not worshipped but respected. Besides, God has given me a love and respect for these people.
Then using Drew's list of blogs that he reads as a starting point for finding my way around the Army blog community I also found Eric Himes vision which he has titled "The Praise Jesus walks on". (Written on November 16, 2005.) (http://asterisklog.com/) His vision is anointed and a word from God for all of us.

In reading Eric's vision, I didn't think that there was a connection to the article that Drew shared. But then the thought came to me.....it's the other extreme. It's a message to the new "praise" movement. When this new movement is taken to the extreme it almost becomes the same issue as that which we are running from. Which as I see it is: the love of the style of worship or the things of God, above God himself. Eric's vision tells us to lay down our praises so Jesus can walk on them, like he did in his triumphal entry into Jerusalem.
I hear God saying to one generation: "No stuffed pets" and to the next generation " lay down your praises"- We all nee to let go of what we are holding onto so that we can see Jesus.
The Patriarchs bible study has taken us through the stories of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. These last weeks have all been about Joseph. I thought there was nothing more I could learn about Joseph and his coat of many colors but I was so wrong. There is not enough space to write all the new things that God has taught me. However this week's lesson pulled me in and seemed to be connected to all of this, at least for me. I read the story of how Joseph finally meets up again with his brothers. A famine in the land brings them together. They are hungry. Joseph recognizes them but they do not know him. The story pulls you into issues of past guilt and revenge. You wonder what keeps Joseph from revealing himself right away after being separated from his family for at least 15 years. He is moved to tears several times and in the end He tells them who he is. What moved me the most this time was how God had blessed him and raised him up to a place of power and influence yet still made him deal with his past. Grace for his brothers was required of Joseph before he was reunited with his Father. I wept as I imagined Jacob seeing all the wealth and provisions coming toward him to take him to Egypt. He was living in the desert during a famine wondering if he would ever see his son Benjamin again. He had grieved the death of Joseph for at least 15 years. God in his perfect timing gave more than Jacob could have possibly hoped for. Not only food and abundance in the desert, not only provision in a famine, not only Benjamin but also Joseph was returned to him and out of this his children, his sons became united- standing together instead of against each other. God gave them all more than what they were hoping for...God exceed the expectaions of Joseph, his brothers and even their father Jacob. God always gives more than we deserve or hope for...He always exceeds our expectaions.
Why do I think this is all connected??? Well- because God heals. He may be raising up into influence new leaders with new visions for the Army of the future but he will make us all face the past. Maybe some are holding too tightly to horns and orders of service, maybe some are unwilling to put their palms of praise down.
Read again the quote I shared earlier " The Hebrews felt that the future was not whole without the past."
How do we find wholeness for our Army?
Mark Twain has been quoted to say "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. "
How does where we are in our spiritual walk/ maturity play into how much we think our Father's Army knows?
I beleive that God has more for our Army than even what we hope for......
For my Army and for my Father's Army.

Grace for me

There is a cold, sore throat and ear infection going around our house. I feel like I have been trapped at home for weeks. Four girls, each taking a week to get over this nasty cold equals a very long time out of the office for me. Now .......(sigh) I think I am coming down with it.
All prayer accepted!
Lord, help me have grace for me when I can't do it all.

Grace

Grace seems to be the word of the week. Undeserved favor that is what grace is. Kindness given to someone when they really don't deserve it. A kind word, a kind thought, a kind action. Mercy.
I wrote a poem about how mercy/grace is easier to receive than to give. Some of you are probably tired of my poems by now....but show me a little grace! :) Here is goes....you may need to know your Bible stories to understand it!!

Did Noah shout from the Ark that day,
"I told you so!", then sailed away?
Have you ever felt like Jonah that night,
Who saved the city but lost the fight?
Have you ever thought, "Sons of Thunder, they had it right!
Let's destroy the wicked with God's great might!"
Mercy and grace are great to receive,
God's compassion, His love, they're what we need.
When its for us, its justice rung true,
But those we find deserving are very few!
They say it is better to give than receive
But showing God's kindness can cause one to grieve.
Yet its His great mercy that saved you and me,
Now let us be honest, how deserving are we?
God takes no pleasure in loosing the lost,
He came to save them, He paid the cost.
We would always do well to remember our place,
How much we need Him, His love and His grace!

Treasures in the darkness

Treasures in the darkness
Secrets whispered by my Lord
Tears that draw me closer
Deeper in your word

Hold me in the darkness
Arms around me tight
Close enough to hear your heartbeat
Long enough to win the fight.
February 2, 2005

I sometimes wonder how many people feel this way. That feeling like each day is a fight to win. The secret of their soul that no one knows...the overwhelming feeling like they may not "make it". Be encouraged today ....my testimony is that the morning always comes! He will hold us through the dark times if we come to Him. When we are close enough to hear His heartbeat- Still enough to know He is God- then we will find our strength for each day as it comes. A strength that is not our own, but His.
Pray for those who are serving God in remote places around the world. Pray that God will be real enough to them to banish all their fears and close enough to them to destroy any feelings of loneliness.

God's Character

Going along with the idea of how does God use us with all our humanness and in relfection of another blog I wrote the following:

The character of God does not change or contradict itself even if his people do.
In our radical, open minded thinking may we not loose site of the few absolutes that we are given. To measure ourselves by ourselves is not wise. ( 2 Corinthians 10:12) To discern what God is doing without comparing it to what He has done in His Word is dangerous. The cutting edge feeling of being controversial in its extreme can be egocentric. All throughout the Bible God's people were inconsistent and did things even the most radical among us would frown upon. Yet God continued to use them to reveal himself not only to individuals but to nations and the world. This is my encouragement, my only hope that He can use me.
Man's weakness and lack of character and consistency does not trump the strength or the character of God. 1 Timothy 2:13 "If we are faithless He is faithful for He cannot disown himself."
We want to be effective, we want to be radical, we want to be relevant, we want to be cutting edge. But do we want Jesus as much as we want all these things?
Do we want Him? Do we know His word?
Give us passion Lord. Give us discernment Lord. Give us YOU.

I wrote it in trying to process my own feelings and thoughts -out of context it may not make sense.
Any comments/thoughts or corrections are welcome.

God's People

Noah was a drunk, Abraham was too old, Isaac was a daydreamer, Jacob was a liar, Rahab was a prostitute, Jeremiah and Timothy were too young, David had an affair and was a murderer, Elijah was suicidal, Isaiah preached naked, Jonah ran from God, Naomi was a widow, Job went bankrupt, John the Baptist ate bugs, Peter denied Christ, The Disciples fell asleep while praying, Martha worried about everything, The Samaritan woman was divorced more than once, Zaccheus was too small, Paul was too religious
Whether you let Him, or not, God CAN use you too!


I found this on another site and I really like it! It is so true and it always amazes me that God uses any of us....Especially me. How would you describe yourself?? I know what I would say about me.....But you won't find it on my blog.

More than just skin deep.

Have you ever noticed that negative people like to be around negative people….or those who gossip like to group with others who gossip? They say you can learn a lot about yourself by looking at your friends. Most people surround themselves with people who agree with them. People who not only “feel our pain” but share our misery….we can justify each other. They agree with us and it is like an ointment on a wound, …someone understands!
In our scripture reading today we see a group of people who had something deadly in common
Vs. 11 and 12 (Read) These ten men were together because they shared the same illness. Scripture says that as Jesus went by…..
“They stood at a distance and called out.”
Most commentaries believe that all were Jewish except the one Samaritan. The Bible Exposition commentary says that: “The Jews and Samaritans would not normally live together, but misery loves company and all ten were outcasts”.
Misery does love company-Think about it: The best people to talk to when you’re feeling bad about someone or something are people you know will agree with you! If you’re licking your wounds and feeling sorry for yourself…..finding a group of people who agree or are suffering in the same way will at least bring you camaraderie.
The thing about leprosy is that it has a strange way of spreading quickly…eating away at the body, destroying it. It is very infectious. Negativity and gossip also spread quickly…basically all sin is infectious. And slowly eats away at the body.
Those who we call to comfort us may soon be infected as well.
Because, the 10 Lepers were infectious, they stood at a distance. By law they were required to yell out to people passing by….Unclean, Unclean. So that everyone would be warned and would have plenty of opportunity to avoid them and their sickness.
How different would life be if we each had to wear our sin so that all could see like the Scarlet letter A? or yell- Unclean!, Unclean! Or no forgiveness here! Liar, Liar!...what would each of us have to yell to kept others from being infected by us?
I know many who go through life wanting to change, wanting to live differently but who seem to stand at the cross roads unable to admit the need for help. They stay at a distance suffering in their affliction.
The positive thing about this group of 10 lepers is they asked for help. They wanted to change, they wanted to be whole again and they called out to the Only One who could heal them. Thy asked for pity. (NIV) other versions like the KJV translate the word as Mercy. “Have mercy on us.” Scripture says “when he saw them he said go show yourself to the priest.”
The reason he said this was because it was the law. Anyone wanting to be accepted back into the community needed to show themselves to the priest.. Lev. 13:5-44 outlines what the priests are to do to pronounce a person with Leprosy clean.
It is interesting to note that “As they went they were cleansed”
In other situations when Jesus healed people…he spoke and they were healed, or he reached out and touched the person, or commanded them to get up. All the healings were immediate. Here…. they actually had to obey, to turn and go. This simple act of obedience…of starting off in the right direction was a sign that they believed. And as they went…as they acted on his words….they were cleansed.
Sometimes changes happen in our lives that are immediate. Other changes come only when we set out in faith, with no signs of immediate change,…. It was “as they went” that they were cleansed.
Imagine walking toward the temple …to where the priest would be and noticing as you walked together that your life was being restored. Change had already begun. Vs 15 ( read) We know from the response of Jesus here and also from other accounts that Samaritans were not held in high regard by the Hebrews. The shocking thing in this verse for anyone who would have been there --would not have been the healings……The shocking thing would have been the fact that “the least” among them – the foreigner was the one who came back to say thank you …The Samaritan was the one praising God.- and It says…praising God in a loud voice. I think of how many times he had to yell in a loud voice UNCLEAN! And now he was shouting at the top of his lungs praises to God.
Jesus then draws attention to the obvious….Where were the other 9? Where were the ones who belonged to God’s family? The sons of Abraham? How is it that a Samaritan would return to say thanks…a foreigner and not those who belonged to the family?
All were healed…..only one took it to heart and was filled with gratitude. Something happened to the Samaritan that caused him to take the encounter with Christ to a deeper level. For the Samaritan it was more than just skin deep. He was changed. Not just healed but forgiven. Not just a change in his outward appearance….but a change of attitude, a change of heart.
End of vs. 15 and vs. 16 ( Read)
It is still possible today to have an encounter with Christ, to receive a healing ----a change in our lives and yet…… walk away from the experience as if we deserved it…If our attitude is not one of gratitude- it can seem as if we somehow feel we deserve God’s blessings and His favor. We think good things should happen to us. Life should go well for us and people should like us. When we find favor, we assume we deserve it and when it doesn’t happen we think something is wrong with us. We don’t receive Gods blessings because we deserve them. We receive them because He is good, kind, forgiving and pours out His grace upon us. When blessings come, when forgiveness is ours it is always undeserved!
My ticket…..Police pulled me over…I was speeding…I deserved it. I didn’t get the ticket…..that was Grace….complete undeserved favor. Changed my attitude…I went from angry to humbled and I drive very slowly down broad street now…aware of the grace I received.
Did the lepers deserve to be healed? When they were healed, changed……did the other nine…..think because they were the sons of Abraham, they deserved healing? Did the foreigner think….I really shouldn’t have been healed like the others…I know who I am! I am only a Samaritan? And therefore was more grateful. God gives grace to the humble.
Do we know who we are? Do we remember what we are saved from? What we have to be thankful for? I know…who I am. I know who has healed me, forgiven me. I know I have not deserved or earned anything by my own merits.
I know that without the grace of God I have no right to stand before any of you for the things I have done.
I deserve the full punishment…the full ticket….but when I call on the mercy of God…he hears me and shows compassion. He set us on the right road and we are cleansed. How will we respond to him today? Will we go from this place the same as when we walked in? Or do we desire…change. A change of attitude? A change of heart? A healing of the spirit.
May we allow God to set us in the right direction? May we remember to be thankful and give him all the praise!

Romance

God hears the whispers of our hearts. He loves extravagently, lavishly and we are the center of His attention. He loves and in Him we have all things.....all our hearts could ever hope for or desire.

Romance

Blossoms in springtime
Stars in the night,
Bouquets of flowers
And diamonds so bright.
Songs sung by voices that
Know your heart well,
Reach for me
Touch me
My God loves me still!
Lilacs of “thank yous”
Breath of fresh air
Whispers in darkness
Warm summer air
These are my sonnets
My answers to prayer
These are the things
that lighten my care

May 6th, 2005

another poem

LED INTO BROKENESS

Led into brokenness,
Heartache and pain
Expectations keep falling
nothing's the same

We have our ideas
Our plan and our way.
We hear what we want,
Hardly do what we say

Unsure and upset
We question and cry:
"Oh God what a mess
Leave me here and I'll die"

But brokenness, heartache,
Pain and some tests,
Can change us and mold us
To God's very best.

Will we trust Him and follow,
No matter what comes?
Can we leave it to him,
when all seems undone?

There are crosses and rivers
and valleys of death.
There are oceans of questions,
Temptations and tests.

There are deserts of doubts
And mountains too high;
There are walls that are steep
And canyons too wide.

We have our ideas
Our plan and our way.
We hear what we want,
Hardly do what we say.

But God's intervention,
Inspiration and love,
His forgiveness and grace
Come down from above

His power, His wisdom,
His patience and care
Will cause us to do
What most wouldn't dare!

The crosses, the rivers,
The valleys of death,
The oceans of questions,
Temptations and tests,

With Him they become
The strength of our being
Resurrection, and freedom
New life with a meaning.

The deserts of doubts,
The mountains and walls,
The canyons, the struggles,
He can conquer them all!

Our brokenness, heartache
Pain and our tests,
Can change us and mold us
To God's very best.

Will we trust Him and follow,
no matter what comes?
Can we leave it to him,
when all seems undone?

Safe in the Shadow

Leaving today for the N.J. Family Life retreat....we return on Friday and will be at Star Lake for Warren and Jody's wedding.
God is good and faithful!
I will leave you with this poem that I have been thinking about today.

SAFE IN THE SHADOW

No fig leaf large enough to conceal my shame;
No bush wide enough to hide my pain;
No rock big enough to crawl beneath;
No pit deep enough to hold my grief.

Only one tree can protect me,
Only one tree where salvation is free.
It is at that tree that I want to be,
It's shadow of protection over me.

I want to run, I want to hide
Beneath Your wings, close by Your side.
Straight to the cross of Calvary,
Oh, cast that shadow over me - the shadow of my Savior's tree.

He is enough to hide my shame;
He is enough to take my pain;
He is the rock that I stand on;
He lifts me up - my grief is gone!

I want to run, I want to hide
Beneath Your wings, close by Your side.
Straight to the cross of Calvary,
Oh, cast that shadow over me - the shadow of my Savior's tree.

For Anya

WHERE YOU LEAD ME

Where are we going?
Oh! Look over there!
The grass is so green,
The valley so fair.
I want to go there, Lord,
Where the sun always shines.
I want to be where there is fruit on the vine.
Where are we going?
Did you not hear?
I said it was pleasant
Right over there.
Where do you lead me?
Did you hear what I said?
Why are we going to a place that I dread…
Why do I trust you?
Why do I go?
Why do you lead me where I don't want to go?
Now look where we're headed..
Don't you know what this means?
There! Where you lead me …
Are you blind to the scene?
The clouds are so dark;
The people unfriendly;
I won't have laughter and
my sorrow will be plenty.
The waves will crush me;
The mountains are high;
The pathway is narrow;
the river is dry .
Why do I trust you?
Why do I go?
Why do you lead me where I don't want to go?
What are you crazy?
Have you lost your aim?
Is this the plan?
Is this a game?
I tell of your love!
And I teach your Word!
I point to your promises,
To Your care of a bird!
But here you are leading
And it is obvious to me,
My needs are forgotten,
My tears are not seen.
I thought it was clear,
I thought we agreed
With the way, I planned,
The life I would lead.
Why do you lead me?
You didn't hear what I said?
Why are we going to a place I dread…
Then the words of my Lord
Answered my heart:
I know what I'm doing!
I have from the start!
I've known you and loved you
from the beginning of time.
I've carefully chosen
this pathway of mine.
Why don't you trust me?
Why do you doubt?
Why do you whine?
Why do you pout?
You say that I lead you?
But it's obvious to me
You have your own aim,
you have your own plea.
I've taken your hand
and I asked you to come,
I've given to you
my only Son.
You want the green pastures?
Then go your own way!
But they won't last forever
when the sun moves away.
I know where the fruit
grows on the vine,
I walk on water
The mountains I climb.
Are you coming with me?
Will you stay behind?
Will you trust ?
Will you risk?
Take this hand of mine?
I know what I'm doing
I know where I go.
I know when to reap,
I know when to sow.
Where shall I go?
What shall I say?
I will go where He leads me,
I will follow His way.
The grass is greener
only when He is there,
The sun is brighter
when He holds my cares.
The waves loose their power;
The mountains lay flat;
The rivers flow freely,
Who would leave all of that?
Not me! I will follow!
My aim and my plan -
I bring it to Him
On this day, take His hand.
His way, for my way,
His plan, for mine,
He will lead me and guide me
My Savior Divine.

3 August, 1999

Impressionable appearance

Most of us are understandably upset when we find out that our favorite athlete has taken steroids or our favorite singer has admitted to lip syncing. We feel deceived. How dare they give everyone the impression that they were better than they actually really were!
But, if truth be told the majority of people in the world are all about making an impression….and sometimes just for appearance sake!
Mrs. Arthur Sulzberger, of the newspaper dynasty, was bidding a granddaughter good-night one evening when the child remarked,
“Mommy and Daddy are entertaining some very important people downstairs.”
“You’re right,” agreed Mrs. Sulzberger. “But how did you know?”
“Just listen,” advised her granddaughter.
“Mommy is laughing at all of Daddy’s jokes.”
In our scripture Acts chapter 5 we will look at a couple that found them selves impressed by the good deeds of others which left them wanting to make a “good” impression themselves. Unbeknownst to them, the impression they would make would be a lasting one!
Let us look together at Ananias and Sapphira
I. They were impressed by others- What Barnabas had done. Acts 4:37
Barnabas ….”Sold a field he owned and brought the money and put it at the apostle’s feet.”
It is interesting to me that Barnabas is mentioned specifically here. Earlier in the same chapter it says that “everyone shared everything they had” and “from time to time those who owned lands or houses sold them and brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostle’s feet.”
It is plain from this portion of scripture that Barnabas was not the only one who sold a field and gave the money to the apostles…so why is his name mentioned? We don’t know but from the reaction and plan of Ananias and Sapphira we can guess that maybe Barnabas was the first to have given all of the money from the sale or that his property had brought in the most money.
At any rate the people were pleased and his name was worthy of mention because of his generosity. Barnabas was someone to look up to.
Weirsbe says in his commentary “No doubt the church was praising God for the generous offering that Barnabas had brought when Satan whispered to the couple, “You can also bask in this kind of glory! You can make others think that you are as spiritual as Barnabas!” Instead of resisting Satan’s approaches, they yielded to him and planned their strategy. “
Now it was their turn and they wanted to give…but what they wanted to give was not really their money but…
II. A “good” impression- Acts 5:1-2
The impression they wanted to give was that they were sacrificial givers- just like Barnabas, when really; they both knew they had kept some for themselves.
The sad part of the story is, no one was forcing them, they were not required to sell the land and give all the money. Had they only gave the portion they had intended to give and were honest about it ….there would not have been a problem.
Why do we as human beings try to make ourselves out to be better than what we actually are? Is it fear of rejection? Someone will see us as we really are and turn us away? Or is it pride? Wanting to be praised or admired for having it all together, when we know we really don’t.
When did it become inappropriate to be real? When did it become unfashionable to be honest? Maybe when others begin to look better than we do, get more praises than we do- maybe we’re just jealous.
I know we all have ideals and goals. To strive for a standard is not wrong…to give the impression that you have reached the standard and sometimes exceed it…that is where the sin lies.
George McDonald said “We must not think that failure to reach our ideals is hypocrisy, because no believer lives up to all that he or she knows or has in the Lord. Hypocrisy is deliberate deception, trying to make people think we are more spiritual than we really are.”
That is what Ananias and Sapphira wanted….they wanted people to think they were more spiritual then they actually were. They wanted to make a good impression…maybe even ….
III. A lasting impression! – Acts 5: 3-10
What was the result of their deception? Death!
We are told in God’s word that “the wages of sin is death” Rom 6:23
We do not realize how true this is.
If God killed “religious deceivers” today, how many people would be left?
They died for a false impression…….no wonder vs. 5 said “ and great fear seized all who heard what had happened” and if it happened today I am sure vs. 11 would make sense to us as well “ Great fear seized the whole church and all who heard about these events.”
Maybe the others were seized with fear because they thought….What about me?? Can they see my thoughts? Do they know my motivations?
Well what about us?
Are we more concerned with the appearance of being a good Christian than actually being one?
Did you notice that Ananias’s wife….was judged on her own for what she knew? She supported her husband’s false impression and fell to the same judgment.
Those who know us best are those who live with us. Wives, husbands, our children…..What would they say about our Christianity lived out at home? Have they learned to live up to the “family appearances” while in public? While at church? Have they learned from us that appearances, impressions are more important than transparency and authenticity?
What are our motivations?
Who are we trying to impress? Is it God or man??
I think we realize in this day in age, that we can actually sometimes impress some……but is God impressed with us? He knows our thoughts. He knows our motivations.
Ananias and Sapphira were accused of lying to God.
They wanted to make an impression on others in the church and….well…..they did! They made a lasting impression!
We are wise to remember 1 Samuel 16:7 which tells us: Man looks at the outward appearance……..but the Lord looks at the heart.
Are our hearts, right before God? What does He see of himself in our hearts, in our minds? Is the impression we give to others….a true picture of who we really are on the inside? Are we lip syncing our Christianity? Are we falsely “pumping” our self up to be something that we are not? Appearances alone are not enough.
Let us get it right before God. We are all sinners, we all need his saving grace……..let us be very careful not to lie to the Holy Spirit--- thinking that we are harmlessly making a good impression. As Peter told them “You have not lied to men, but to God.”